So, if you know me fairly well, you'll probably be a bit confused by my choice for this week: most of my friends know that I am borderline obsessed with the TV show Buffy, and I like it in a very un-cheesy way (don't get me wrong, it has it's moments of cheese, but I like the show on so many more levels). However, what alot of people don't realize is that, a while before the TV show piloted, Buffy had its origins in a really, really cheesy movie.
Although written by Joss Whedon, alot of the film was more or less taken out of his hands, and the result was a super cheesy movie. Stereotypical 'valley girl' acting from Kristy Swanson turns Buffy into a super dumb, rather irritating character (and not irritating in the lovable way the TV Buffy is. Irritating in a "character who is usually killed off in the first few minutes of the show" way, except this time she's the protagonist and lives). Luke Perry also stars, playing "bad boy" who is 9 years younger than him (where have we seen this before?), yet coming across as super cheesy due to incredibly bad dialogue (which is insane considering that Whedon's dialogue is pretty much the best there is... the execs must have destroyed his script immensely). Rounding out the cast is Donald Sutherland, playing Buffy's first watcher (funny because Kristine Sutherland played Buffy's mom in the TV show, and the actress apparently came up with her screen name because of her cat, whom she named after Donald Sutherland... insane), and dying before he can do anything interesting.
One of the reasons this film is so cheesy is because of the horrible pacing. They try to have an emotional, sad scene when Sutherland's character dies, and Buffy is inspired to get insane revenge on the big bad (named Lothos). The only problem is that he dies before the audience (or Buffy, really) gets any chance to bond with him, making his death seem awkwardly out of place, and all the mourning come across as super cheesy. Another example of bad pacing is the way the big bad dies: there's this whole symbolic thing about a red scarf and music, but it's never explained, and thus has no real significance. I'm sure it would have been really cool if they'd taken some time to explain it or give it significance, but it's just throw in to the middle of the encounter, and results in a baffled, wtf? reaction, leading to many laughs.
Another issue is poor directorial choices by director Fran Rubel Kuzui, especially in terms of the action scenes. The television Buffy has become partially defined by it's insanely awesome fight scenes, with the vampires and Sarah Michelle Gellar both showing off some crazy acrobatics and fighting skills. However, most of the vampires in the film are super lazy (there's one scene where they just hover around outside the gym making scary faces and noises, yet not actually moving or attacking), and the fight scenes are quite boring and feel forced. Also, one of the coolest parts of a Buffy fight scene is seeing the vampire turn into a cloud of dust when staked in the heart. The vampires in the movie, however, just kind of fall to the floor dead... not as fun.
Oh, and Buffy's loving mom Joyce (who becomes a fan favourite in the show) thinks her name is Bobby...
The issues with this film are mainly with most of it feeling awkward and forced. However, the awkwardness of everything also manages to make it absolutely hilarious, and therefore worthy of being this week's selected cheesy movie.
And, despite Joss Whedon's amazing dialogue skils, here are some cheesy quotes that show the Buffy movie wasn't exactly a good indicator of this (Belive it or not, all these quotes are from the film's version of Buffy...):
"Excuse me for not knowing about El Salvador, like I'm ever going to Spain anyway."
"Right. I'm the chosen one. And I choose to be shopping."
"All I want to do is graduate from high school, go to Europe, marry Christian Slater, and die."
Yeah...
Anyway, any Buffy fan should watch this movie for two reasons, 1) It's a good example of what could have been if it wasn't for the team that made the tv show, and 2) It's quite fun to make fun of.
Basically, Buffy is a super cheesy movie that's absolutely nothing like the television show, but really funny in its own (unintentionally) funny way. I'd suggest it to almost anyone who wants a good, cheesy laugh.
If you want to buy it, you can get it here:
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