So, I'm in Future Shop a while ago, and I see a movie with Wynona Ryder (Heathers), in the bargin bin for 4 bucks. I figure, "how bad can it be?" The answer, my friends, is bad... very bad... but in a very cheesy way. Thus, The Ten gets to be our fourth Cheesy Movie of the Week.
Starring Paul Rudd (Friends and a bunch of Judd Apatow stuff), The Ten is one of those films that tries really hard to be a bizzare, SNL-esque comedy, yet simply ends up being a film that tries too hard. Over-the-top dumb, The Ten is incredibly funny to watch because of how unsuccessful the film is at actually being funny (weird paradox, I know), and how hard it tries to be strange. Although it does not succeed in what it tries to do, I still very much enjoyed watching the film so I could laugh at how bad it was.
I was very surprised when I discovered that the film was written by no other than David Wain (Wet Hot American Summer), and managed to round up a fairly impressive cast, including the aforementioned Ryder and Rudd, as well as Famke Jannsen (Nip/Tuck) and Jessica Alba (Fantastic Four). Despite this all star-cast, the film fails to avoid falling into cheeseland due to an awkwardly delivered premise, some really bad stories, and cheesy dialogue.
The basic premise of the film is this: it tells ten stories, each independant, yet connected to each other (overlapping characters, and they happen in the same diegesis), and each story represents one of the ten commandments. If followed through properly, this concept could make for an incredibly impressive move, in the vein of Dogma. However, the stories range from a man who has a skydiving accident and has half of his body perminantly buried underground, making him a celebrity who people treat like a god (thou shalt not have any other gods before be), a doctor who leaves a pair of scissors in a patient as a joke (murder), and two neighbours who buy a bunch of CAT scan machines in an attempt to one-up each other (covet neighbour's goods). Ryder also falls in love with a puppet and steals it (Thou shalt not steal).
Just from the premise of these stories it should be obvious that, while having the artistic merit of Miley Cyrus, it's just as much fun to laugh at as she is. The stories are told in as horribly unfunny a way as possible, the script is appropriately cheesy, and the actors actually manage to get through the whole film acting with as little irony as possible, making it even more funny as it appears that all the actors seriously think they are in a good move.
Although the laughs in this film are more based around the ridiculous plot than the dialogue, that doesn't mean the dialogue isn't still awesomely bad (because it is). Thus, we come to the top quotes section:
Duane Rosenbloom: No Glenn, I'm not... I'm not projecting. I can't look at you without fantasizing about shoving you up against a wall in the laundry room, and punching you in the mouth... And then raping you.
Gretchen: Don't you say it!
Jeff: Go fly a kite, Gretchen. Go fly a kite.
Judge: If I could, I'd sentence you to death by my foot up your ass.
News Anchor: What does a monkey from the zoo have in common with a Fig Newton? Nothing, right? Think again. They're both sometimes brown.
Anyway, I'd suggest watching it if you don't feel like thinking, and want something really bad to make fun of. I wouldn't advise spending money on it (borrow it from me, or rent it if you get a free movie rental or something), but it is fun to watch, and if you really feel like buying it, you can get it here:
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